Learning Your Love Language

Have you ever taken the time to figure out your love language? We expect that a lot of people haven’t. However, knowing your love language can help your relationship. Your personal love languages can help you understand the way you show other people that you care about them.

Dr. Gary Chapman created the five love languages and wrote about them in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. While he believed that all of these are important for a lasting relationship, he believed that each person has one that stands out most to them.

If you haven’t learned your love language yet, check out Dr. Chapman’s Quiz here. Let us know your results in the comments or in the poll below. We took the quiz and the results were Quality Time and Physical Touch as our most important.

The Five Love Languages

Understanding the five love languages below can help you better understand how you give and receive love. Remember, you and your partner might not have the same language and that’s okay. It just means to make a relationship work, you and your partner should have an open dialogue about what you both need.

To understand what each of the love languages mean, keep reading more a detailed description and some examples of how to show this type of love to your partner. By now you hopefully know your love language and your partners.

1. Quality Time

If your love language is quality time, it means that you show you care about someone by making the effort to spend time with them. For people who fall into this category, you feel the most spoiled when someone give you their time and attention.

The best ways to do this are to plan activities to do together. From a vacation to a walk in the park, what mater most is that you want to be around them. Make an effort to spend time together every night after work, even if it’s for a short of time. That effort goes a long way, even if you simply watch tv or read together.

2. Acts of Service

Acts of service focuses on doing things that make someone feel special. It can be as simple as doing chores for them or as fun as giving them a massage. It’s a way of showing you care by helping your partner with whatever they need.

A fun way to do an act of service is to plan a home date night. Cook a nice dinner, light some candles and make sure your partner doesn’t have to lift a finger. An act of service doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture though, it can simply be helping someone with an everyday task.

3. Gift Giving

Giving and receiving gifts is another way to show you care. Whether it’s planning big gifts for birthdays and holidays, or surprising your significant other with a small token of your appreciation.

While the type of gift depends on the person, surprising your significant other with something small and personal is usually a good idea. For example, if they had a stressful day, having their favorite dessert when they get home is a nice treat. There are exceptions with people who need to be spoiled with luxurious gifts, but for most people, the best gifts show that the giver made an effort to find something they would love. For reference, Christy love getting coffee and Ben is ecstatic if someone buys him fruit snacks.

4. Physical Touch

People who need physical affirmation in a relationship have this love language. These people crave hand holding, hugs, cuddling and other source of physical comfort. They show they care by their desire to be near you. Make affection a priority by always kissing them good morning and goodnight. Make sure that they feel close to you by showing how you feel no matter where you are.

5. Words of Affirmation

The last love language is words of affirmation, meaning they prefer to hear how you feel about them. The opposite of showing how you feel, telling how you feel requires saying “I love you” and always expressing what is going on your head.

A fun way to use words of affirmation is to leave your partner little notes expressing gratitude. Also, use a note or letter to cheer them up or give them strength before a stressful day. If you’re not someone who likes to discuss how you’re feeling, but your partner does, try to find a middle ground. An easy way to start out is to give compliments. These can go a long way!

How to Use This Information

The five languages don’t tell you everything about your relationship. However, it’s a good starting point to learn what both you and your partner need. Use your results to try to understand yourself better and what it takes for you to be happy in a relationship. In return, talk to your partner about what they need as well. Maybe you’ve been giving gifts because that’s your number one, but it’s only number four for your partner. Having this conversation is a great starting point to talk about your similarities and differences.